A thousand thoughts are floating in my head since I got home from Baguio this morning.
Butterflies, Baguio, script deadlines and shooting schedules; lovers and strangers; irrational attraction and confusion; me, him and everybody else. I tend to divide my brain into compartments to keep me sane. And long ago, I’ve learned the benefits of taking one thing at a time.
So I’ll just blog about one. For now.
I felt something was wrong, I just didn’t want to recognize it. I refuse to think of bad things lest it materializes. But bad things happen anyway, and sometimes there’s no way you could prepare for them.
Since Kernan went out of town for their shoot, we have always kept in touch at least once a day through phone calls and a lot of times through SMS. But since we were both busy that day, I did not text him the whole day and only realized it in the evening before my editing sked. I started trying to call him at around 7 pm but his phone was out of reach. I assumed he was just busy shooting somewhere where there was no signal. But I kept trying to call him several times every hour after that.
Until about 12 midnight his phone was still out of coverage so I started to worry. I asked Rose to call somebody with them who may probably have a signal, to no avail. I sent him messages telling to him to call me once he gets a signal, but no message still.
Finally, somebody said the thing I feared the most: “They had an accident.”
I miss you more everyday.
I wish I could push a fast forward button until the moment of your return. Every day without you seems so incomplete. I just wish you’re here with me.
Even as I type this entry, I instinctively turn my head and expect you to surprise me with a stolen hug and kiss. I look across the cubicle and think you would be standing there smiling back at me.
Everyday I pray you’re safe everywhere you go. Come back home soon.
I love you so much.
“no more loneliness and heartache
no more crying myself to sleep
no more wondering about tomorrow
won’t you come back to me?
do i ever cross your mind anytime?
do you ever wake up reaching out for me?
do i ever cross your mind anytime?
I miss you…”
He’s just not that into you
I haven’t read the book yet, but I watched Oprah’s episode on it. And I must say I was hooked until the program’s closing credits.
At first, I thought I wouldn’t be able to relate to it and it’s just another one of those dating books. But I found myself nodding through their discussions and saying, "right!" "of course!" "that absolutely makes sense!" I’m thinking why didn’t they write this book years ago! it would have saved a whole damn lot of women from heartbreakers.
The author Greg Behrendt said it all started with a line he wrote for one of the guys in an episode of Sex and the City. The girls were discussing why this certain guy Miranda dated didn’t call her yet. Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte were conjuring up all these reasons why this guy couldn’t possibly have called yet. And when they asked this guy what his opinion on the situation was, he simply said, "he’s just not that into you."
And Behrendt said, if girls just learn to grasp the meaning of these six words, they could save themselves from a lot of unnecessary turmoil and false expectations.
The positive pessimist
I am a positive thinker.
Ever since I learned about Norman Vincent Peale and the Power of Positive Thinking in highschool, I’ve always tried to look at the bright side. No matter what or who tries to bring me down, I remain immovable in my resolve to just be happy and remain unaffected.
But i guess as I got older and as I got more exposed to how harsh life could really be, I allowed myself to became jaded. Before, I used to be ideal about a lot of things, but now I’m leaning more toward the practical. Before, I used to see possibilities, but now I see obstacles.
